Earlier this year, my friend Neil and I played a normal Sunday morning round of golf on the Jubilee Course here in St Andrews.
Looking back on that morning, I still find it hard to believe the things we chose to talk about on the course. Typically, we would be engrossed in the usual golfing banter of talking rubbish, sharing jokes, moaning or boasting about the shot we just hit or giving each other swing advice like we're experts! Yet, for some reason, that day we talked about what we'd want to remember if this proved to be our last round......ever.
And that was the last time I got to play golf with Neil. Tragically, he died the morning after our game.
Neil was a relatively new friend and the husband of my old school friend Fiona, with whom I had only reconnected since moving to St Andrews. This post is written with her kind permission. Neil and I hit it off immediately. We shared a love of golf, had a similar sense of humour and both enjoyed a nice glass of red wine. Since we met, we played golf together often and kept in regular contact. We were becoming firm friends. Neil had recently started working with the R&A, loved his job, loved his family and was just full of life. Whenever someone says "fan-tas-tic" I can't help but think of him saying it in his particular Dundonian way.
That day at the Jubilee Course, we talked about the therapeutic benefits of golf. Neil had recently read "When Revelation Comes" by Jim Hartsell and I talked about "Final Rounds" by James Dodson, agreeing to swap them when we next played together. I'm not saying this was some prophetic moment where we both chose to laugh at bad shots and celebrate good ones, but we did talk about the futility of getting upset about bad shots, why we play golf and what we love most about it.
We even stopped on the 8th tee and took a moment to admire the view up the Eden estuary. Neil took some pictures to send to another friend who couldn't make it that day. We talked about how lucky we both felt to be living in St Andrews. When you make the turn on the Jubilee and head for home, you can't help being struck by the view in front of you - the West Sands to the left, the Castle and Fairmont courses in the far distance and the town spread out in front of you. Finally, some landmarks to pick your line with! The next time you play there, stand for a moment on the 9th or 10th tee and drink it all in.
I frequently think of Neil when I am golfing and know how much he would love to be there too. I am grateful that I knew him, even for such a short time.
As I've travelled along the path of golf improvement, I've frequently risked losing track of what's important for a recreational golfer. There's no doubt that I still want to play well and keep improving. But I've realised that chasing a score or my handicap was making me miserable and hurting my enjoyment of golf. Nobody really cares what I shot today. If it's 58 or 108 it makes no difference to the world. Today I try to play golf for the simple love of the game and all the ways it has enhanced my life, both tangible and intangible.
Recently, I had an unexpected Zoom call with a mental coach, Kent Osborne, who emphasizes the importance of simply having fun in his approach to golf psychology. We connected via Twitter and I am very appreciative of the generous amount of time he gave me. If you are new to Kent's work, then please check him out here https://scratchattitude.com/ and you can also find interviews with him on various podcasts (recently with Mark Immelman https://markimmelman.com/podcasts/ ). We had a fascinating conversation which, as well as prompting this post, also influenced my previous "dramatic need" post. We talked about why I changed my blog thread to "Golfing with Gratitude" from "Quest for Scratch" and while I've blogged about it previously, Kent thought it would be worth sharing it again.
Kent suggests it’s wise for an avid golfer to reflect upon this question from time to time...
"If today was your last round of golf, how would you want to experience it?"
Will you choose to focus on the putt you missed on the last hole, or berate yourself for the duffed drive on the seventh?
Or will you choose to remember it more positively and enjoy your best swing of the day, take pleasure in being outdoors, on your own or with good company and walking the fairways of a beautifully manicured course?
Neil chose the latter on the Jubilee Course that fateful day. Moving forward, I intend to do the same every time I’m fortunate enough to tee it up.
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