Finding my next "dramatic need"?

Over the last few years, I've grown increasingly interested in stoicism. This year I subscribed to Billy Oppenhiemer's "Six at 6 on Sunday" email. Billy has done a lot of work with Ryan Holiday, author of "The Daily Stoic" and many other great books. Recently Billy's newsletter talked about "dramatic need" and how it has "driven" people towards various achievements, both professionally and personally. It made me wonder if this is something I am transitioning through since retiring and whether or not life actually consists of following a series of different "dramatic needs".

For me, it was an early dramatic need that drove me to achieve the financial security that ultimately enabled early retirement. Now, I certainly didn't grow up in poverty but we weren't wealthy either. Having lost my father in my mid-teens after a long period of ill health, I knew what it was like to face financial instability at a relatively young age. That desire for financial stability has driven me my whole adult life, influencing all of my career, spending and saving decisions. But to paraphrase Billy's comments from Kobe Bryant, did achieving financial stability then "kill off the passion, work ethic and obsessiveness" to achieve more? Or did it give me the luxury of time and security to think about what "more" really meant to me? Did it spawn a new dramatic need to do something different? One that resulted in my decision to retire and relocate my family to St Andrews? This post has actually been quite hard to write as I fear it could come over as hugely overprivileged. These are champagne problems after all.

These comments inevitably oversimplify my experience of recent years though as we had our daughter's leukaemia to deal with too and that had a deeply profound impact on my thoughts about life. Covid lockdowns and spending more time with my family also played a part in influencing my thinking back then. Reading Billy's newsletter really struck something with me though and now, sitting here at my kitchen table, I can't help but wonder about "dramatic need" and what it means to me.

Take this blog for example. I've wanted to start it for years, so I guess actually doing it could be classed as satisfying a dramatic need. I was always worried about what people would think about me for doing it, but I decided to put myself out there anyway. I also thought it could help provide some structure and order to my time by giving myself a target of writing at least one post a week. It's certainly using my brain more.

The original "quest for scratch" was a "safe" subject to start the blog with and getting to scratch actually felt a bit like a dramatic need at the time. The further I've gone with that journey though, the more I've come to realise that the real need there is to enjoy the game more, rather than chasing a target handicap. What if this was the last round of golf I ever got to play? "Golfing with Gratitude" stemmed from that switch in mindset and while there are still technical posts in there about golf lessons etc, I've also tried to pull through more personal experiences. The other part of the blog (this part) is about sharing my random thoughts about the world, with the world. It's definitely, the more "frightening" part, as it puts my thoughts out there for all to read. I'm reminded of a comic who talked about how disappointed students would be if they take a year out to "find themselves", only to discover they're actually a wanker! What if that's how these posts come across? However, as I've become more comfortable with writing, the posts have become more personal in nature and I've started exploring more things that are on my mind. Sometimes it almost feels a bit like self-counselling and one post can often spark an idea for another post!

A key thing this blog has done is reinforce my interest in the workings of the mind. It has taken me back to an earlier desire (dramatic need?) to explore the subject more. So much so, I am sitting with an Open University prospectus in front of me looking at a degree in Philosophy and Psychology. Those subjects have fascinated me my entire adult life but I never felt I had the time to pursue them when I was working (nor the energy either). I also never felt they would satisfy the first dramatic need of achieving financial security, so held back my interest when younger. More recently I've actually given my children different advice about this and suggested they pursue what makes them happy rather than what will make them the most money. It circles back to previous posts I've written about contentment and finding balance.

The degree is a six-year commitment, so not something to be undertaken lightly, but in reality, six years is nothing in the context of lifelong learning. Other than unstructured self-study I can't really see other routes to explore this, but explore it I must. Doing this for my own self-interest and personal knowledge, rather than the pursuit of an alternative career option is an interesting angle too. Some I've spoken to have asked me what I want to "do" with a degree, but it's not about doing something with it, I want to do it for me, to pursue my dramatic need to understand human nature better.

I need to decide by the end of August in order to get my application in on time!